Men who face divorce seem to be judged as the bad guy and the wife is the victim in the process—the kids too.  Divorce about judging is not a good thing and sometimes we men fall into the trap of thinking we are the bad guy and that, my friends, will bring mistakes on your part if you don’t think things through.  Here are the most common mistakes we men make when facing divorce:

•    Trusting a divorce attorney – Just because someone is a divorce attorney doesn’t mean they have your best interests at heart.  Most divorce lawyers struggle throughout their careers never really catching that big profile divorce, so that drudgery sometimes doesn’t work in your favor.  Remember that your divorce lawyer is supposed to be on your side and actually fight for you.  If your lawyer is making you do all the work or seems not to care that much, find another one.
•    Don’t leave home – This is probably the biggest mistake men make when divorce is first discussed. They move out right away to keep the peace and this does not place you in a good position as far as the legal system is concerned.  Moving out is a way your wife’s attorney can argue that you don’t need your home and can afford to live without it and, if you have children, her attorney can also argue that you abandoned them—this is not good for the custody portion of your divorce so stay in the house unless you are forced to leave by court order.
•    It’s my fault – Emotions can really toy with a mind—even a man’s mind so don’t feel like just because you are supposed to be the “stronger” sex, you can’t wear your heart on your sleeve.  You are absolutely allowed to be unhappy, lost; feel victimized by the courts, and feeling misunderstood. I’m not saying you need to go around moaning about your divorce all the time, but be frank with your closest friends and older children—it’s not all your fault so don’t hold all the blame on your shoulders because that’s a heavy load.
•    Alimony – Divorce in not about alimony.  Sure, some men may get stuck paying some alimony or spousal support, but don’t be tricked into paying more than you should.  If your ex has never worked and just raised the kids, you may have to shell out some spousal support, but use your attorney, the judge, or anyone who will listen to you and tell them after a certain point, she should be expected to handle her life on her own—without your money.
•    Be informed about divorce - This is a big one.  Take some time to find out how a divorce works.  Browse the Internet for divorced men blogs or divorce tips.  If you don’t know how your state determines child support, what discovery and equitable distribution means, learn about them.  Read a book so you aren’t lost in the divorce process.
•    Blaming your wife – This may sound a little contradictory because she’s always thought of as the victim, but if you tell everyone you meet what a bitch she is and how she ruined your life, you can bet it will get back to her and she’ll use that against you.  If you need to blow off steam, do it with one close friend or relative and try to keep your emotions level.

Divorce is never easy and why society thinks it is easier for men is really inaccurate.  Divorce is about the wife, the husband, and the kids and how those three entities that used to be one will be split apart.  Keep a cool head about your divorce and stay informed about the legal process.  Fight for your kids, your assets, and your right to have a fair spousal support term—and most of all, fire that attorney if they aren’t doing an effective job.

Learn How To Win Your Divorce Without Losing Your Shorts or Your Kids!

Technorati Tags: Divorce For Men, Divorce Man, Divorce Men, Men For Divorce

I remember, years ago, when I came home from the then on-the-road job I had Monday through Friday to find my wife and daughter gone and all that was left was one pot, one fork, one knife, and one plate.  Divorce for men is never easy, but what I learned from mine may help you!  First of all, once she contacted me and told me she wanted a divorce, an obvious fact from the empty house, we agreed to hire one lawyer to get us through it all.  This is a big mistake so don’t do this!

Still thinking in my heart we would get back together, I was stupid enough to be talked into signing a legal document that said (if she needed it); I would pay her alimony for LIFE!  At first my ex-wife was nice and she never asked for alimony and I was happy I got good visits with my daughter and paid my child support with pride.

Then I met my second wife, the love of my life who I am still married to after 19 years, although I like to add the years I was married to my first wife in at 13 to get to 32 years, a number I will remember—or like to think of as wearing that old ball and chain for quite some time.  But I am going off track.

Divorce For Men shouldn’t be like mine.  When my new wife and I decided to leave my hometown that my ex-wife still lived in, that’s when she went to our old trusted attorney with that old alimony document I signed and well, the law will find you wherever you go and they found me in sunny Phoenix just trying to have a normal life!

I had to fly back to my old hometown a whopping ten times to go before a judge—all men who I thought would be on my side—they weren’t.  When my paycheck got attached through a court order, I ended up with weekly checks for about $2.00 after all the alimony was taken out—it also included my child support, but I’m not complaining about that.  How did my ex-wife expect me to live on $2.00 a week!  This was in 1989 and is all true.

Finally, at my wits end, I went to court in my hometown for the 11th time!  Luckily my old male judge was gone but a stern looking female judge sat before me.  Surprisingly, she looked right at my ex-wife and said, “What are you trying to do to this man?  He has a life!  Go get a job!”  I was reeling when I left the courtroom and even more excited when I got the first paycheck that was more than $2.00.

Divorce for men is hard because that old lawyer we both hired never really had my best interests at heart or he would have never suggested I sign the stupid life-alimony document in the first place.  My advice here, find an attorney and take him out for a beer and ask him questions like, “Are you divorced?  Was it a bad one?”  If they say yes to both of these questions, hire them on the spot!  In any event, I am very happy now, but those years of alimony were trying years, I almost lost my home in Phoenix, and my new wife was really angry through it all.  I think of it as one of life’s learning experiences and happily tell my male friends who are thinking about divorce that divorce for men is way easier if you are the fairer sex!

Learn How To Win Your Divorce Without Losing Your Shorts or Your Kids!

Technorati Tags: Divorce For Men, Divorce Man, Divorce Men, Men For Divorce